"But Mommy, Why Didn't the Prayer Work?"

To You:

My heart hurt.

One of our close family friends had been battling cancer valiantly. We were keeping in touch long-distance via texts, phone calls, and occasional visits. I was at another friend's house picking up my son when I received a text: a text telling me that the doctors told this family there was nothing more they could do. This dear friend was going on hospice care. I held it together until we got in the car. Then I broke down. Tears streamed as I imagined their three little kids without their Daddy. My heart ached as I thought of my sweet friend a widow at our age. I cried for our friend's physical pain and all that he had done to fight this cancer that was taking over his body. 

Then from the back seat I heard, "Mommy, what's wrong?" I told my son what was happening.  My sweet four-year-old then replied, "But Mommy, why didn't the prayer work?"

My heart broke anew. We had been offering prayers for this family for a long time, as had friends and family across the nation. Why hadn't the prayer worked? Why wasn't this saintly soul (and they are both of them saintly souls) going to be healed?

I answered the best I could. "Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us. Sometimes that plan is not what we hope for, but we need to trust the Lord that it actually is what's best for us. Our friend may still receive a miracle, but he might not. We trust Heavenly Father."

At that moment, that was enough for my little guy. He nodded, looked out the window, and went on with his own thoughts.

But my adult mind kept thinking. I fully believe everything I told my son. I do have faith in the Lord's plan for me and for each of us. I have faith in an afterlife where families are together forever and seeming injustices are made right. However, my mind wandered to the next question that my son hasn't asked yet but that he may ask someday: If the Lord's plan is going to happen anyway, why do we even pray? Why pray if you're not going to get what you ask for?

Why pray for healing if the afflicted may die anyway? Why pray for a loved one gone astray if that loved one has agency and may not change at all? Why pray for a child if we are destined to remain infertile? Why pray for world peace if the Lord doesn't feel right about overpowering millions of people's choices right now to accomplish that peace? Why pray at all?

Why pray if you're not going to get what you ask for?

As I have pondered and studied possible answers to this question over the last few weeks, insights have flooded my mind and feelings have filled my heart teaching me. I am learning that while we do not know everything, and while we need to continue to live by faith, there are some answers that feel right. 

The Command to Pray

Through time, God has commanded His people to pray. And people have heeded that command.  Spend a day with Muslims, Jews, Mormons, or Protestants and you will see them pray. The prayers may look or sound differently, but they are prayers to God. Athletes pray before games, legislators pray before session, and kids pray before meals. God would have a prayerful people, and something in our human hearts loves to pray.

God Gives Commandments Out of Love

Some people see commandments as ways for churches to control their people. Others see commandments as restricting, set about to limit fun and ruin lives. (Sound familiar to any parents of teenagers?) However, a story told recently demonstrates why I believe commandments are given.

A man was surfing at a beach where he was on vacation. Some young surfers around him were complaining about a barrier that didn't allow them to go out to deeper water and bigger waves. As the protests continued, an older man listening nearby finally spoke up. He explained a truth to the disgruntled surfers. "'Don't be too critical of the barrier,' he said. 'It's the only thing that's keeping you from being devoured.'" From their vantage point, the vacationer and young surfers could not see the sharks just beyond the barrier, but someone else's wisdom set the boundaries, protecting and preserving them.

Commandments are given for our own good.

The commandment to pray is not given in order to waste our time or to buff up the ego of a self-centered God. No, the commandment to pray is given for our own good.

Prayers Are Answered

Sometimes prayers are answered exactly as we hope. Isn't that amazing? Sometimes miraculous healings occur, jobs are obtained, or those lost keys are found. Some blessings are conditional upon our asking for them. I cannot count the times I have felt my prayers answered in simple and profound ways. 

Sometimes the answer to prayer is seen immediately. Like when my daughter prayed to find her shoes last night and immediately when exiting the room, thought she should look under the bed. There the shoes sat. How happy she was to see her prayer answered! Often, however, the answer to prayer is seen after the dust has settled and we reflect upon life's happenings or after we have waited longer than we planned.

Sometimes answers to prayer take a form different than we imagined. The Lord always knows better than us. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:8-9). If we pray to get this new job so that we will be able to better provide for our family, the bigger hope is really providing. Perhaps being turned down for this job allows us to interview for the second job (or third or eighth) that will fill our needs better than the first and beyond what we imagined. Garth Brooks sings a similar message: "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." 

Thy Will Be Done

I am also beginning to see that there is a miracle of prayer that occurs when our prayers do not seem to be answered at all. The miracle occurs when our chronic illness continues, we fail the big test, we lose our home, or we never receive an answer to our questions. The miracle occurs when the one we've prayed for is going to die of cancer.

The miracle of prayer is much bigger than homes, jobs, or even health. The true miracle of prayer happens in our hearts.

True prayer is fervent communication with an actual being. It feels like we are talking to our closest friend, because we are. We empty our load and seek guidance. Prayer is the perfect, Divine equivalent of counseling. We pour out our hearts in gratitude and pleading. As we pour our hearts out in prayer, it allows the Lord to fill them up. A heart filled by God is a heart at peace.

We will notice the miracle of prayer become even stronger and more evident in our lives when we pray as the Savior did, when we can say with all sincerity, "Thy will be done." The miracle of prayer will increase when we start believing that God really does love us and that He really can help us be happier than we can be on our own.

We do not pray in order to change God's mind. We pray in order to allow God to change our hearts.

"But Son, the Prayer Did Work."

After hearing the devastating news from our friends, we were able to go visit two weeks ago. We wanted to tell them how much we love them and enjoy some time together. We went expecting to uplift and cheer them.  However, what we saw was the miracle of prayer. Our friend's body was wracked with cancer, but their home was filled with love. There was laughter and joy amidst the sorrow. They had witnessed many tender mercies along the way, and now, they were at peace. We left uplifted and inspired.

Our friend passed away peacefully last week, and we were able to attend his memorial. At the end of the services, my friend, now a widow, stood to share her message. Through tears she said, "My husband would want me to tell you that there were miracles and prayers were answered."

If we were to go back and my son asked his question again, I believe I would start my answer with, "But Son, the prayer did work."

There is a power in prayer. I invite each of us, no matter how long it has been or even if we never have before, to open our hearts to the Lord in prayer. He will answer.

Love, Marielle

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What's Your Word?

To You:

Several years ago, I was sitting in a Sunday School class listening to my father-in-law teach.  He asked us how we wanted to be remembered when we died.  How would we measure our success?  What word did we hope would be used to describe us by those who knew us?

It's not a new question.  On that Sunday afternoon, we went around the class and a few people gave their answers.  I have been in many classes over many years, but I clearly remember this one as my father-in-law gave his answer.  What word did he want to describe him?

Charity.

Charity is more than giving alms or offering service.  It is a way of being.  It is a trait that fills your inside and shows itself in word and action on the outside.  It shows itself in kindness offered to a stranger and quiet acts of goodness.  It shows itself in patience and forgiveness.  It shows itself in humility.

Last year my wonderful father-in-law passed away.  With his passing, members of his community began telling stories.  "Your dad paid for my piano lessons."  "One night I heard a noise in the garage.  I knew I hadn't locked it and wondered if it was an animal or even a burglar.  I went down to the garage and found your dad filling my freezer with fresh fish."  "Your dad did all my dental work for free."  "Your dad donated the land that church was built on."  "Your dad made everyone feel like he was their best friend."  The examples went on and on.  The one word that came up over and over?  Charity.  Dad had chosen his word wisely and then lived it.

He was far less concerned about how much money was in his bank account or what his car looked like than he was about helping someone in need.  He lived humbly, never setting himself up as a standard, although he lived a life worth emulating.  He didn't care what religion you were or weren't, he loved you without guile. 

"Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not inself, is not puffed up,

Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 

Charity never faileth (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)."

I feel it was a privilege for me to know this great man and see how his daily choices created layer upon layer of goodness.  These seemingly little choices included what he said, and in his case often what he did not say, and how he spent his resources like time and money. 

I am not saying Dad was perfect.  Nobody is.  I am saying that what he lacked was overshadowed by who he was.  He found a way to live so that he would be remembered the way he hoped to be; remembered by the one word...charity.

I know I am far from where I could be.  I still lose patience with my children and am often inconsiderate.  My list of flaws is not short.  However, reflecting on the lives of my father-in-law, other people I admire, and especially Jesus Christ, helps me to see a more clear path for who I want to become.  As I consider who that person is, I continually come back to the same word my father-in-law chose.  There are a lot of admirable qualities, but if I "have not charity, I am nothing (1 Corinthians 13:2)." 

What is your word?  How do you want to be remembered?  Think on that.  Then, live it. 

Love, Marielle

Does seeing examples of charity inspire you?  Who have you learned from? What is your word?  I would love to hear about it all from you.  Please share in the comments.

What a blessing for me to join this incredible family.  I could just have easily written about any one of them  And I just might do that someday!  Thanks for choosing me Babe!

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Who Is My Neighbor?

To You:

The other day I read a short article entitled "True Religion."  The message of the article caught me and left me thinking on it all day.  As part of that profound yet simple message, the author elaborated upon the words of James by saying, "'Pure religion' is more than a declaration of belief; it is a demonstration of belief."  That belief is best demonstrated through the way we treat others, through selfless service.

The author gave three keys for growing in our ability to serve others.

1. Seek Seek to be like the Savior and serve others.  Opportunities to serve may be inconvenient, but we ought to have the desire to help others.
2. See Recognize the needs of those around us.
3. Act We may feel inadequate to meet or alleviate the great needs surrounding us.  However, we need to trust that God can work through us when we choose to act.

The Story

We see this lesson in the quintessential sermon on service: the Parable of the Good Samaritan found in the New Testament in Luke 10:25-37.  In this well-known story, a lawyer asks the Savior what he should do to inherit eternal life.  Christ allows the man to answer his own question with the  injunction to "love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind, and thy neighbor as thyself."  This is a law that had been taught at least since the beginning of biblical times. (For example see Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18.)  Yet, it is a law that just as early as that until today can be difficult to put into practice.  The lawyer seems to recognize that difficulty and tempts Christ by asking, "And who is my neighbor."  Then follows the story.

Picture Credit

A man was robbed and left wounded on a traveler's road to Jericho.  A priest (a "religious" leader) and a Levite (a man of the temple) in turn saw the man but passed by on the other side of the road.  A Samaritan next travels the road.  He saw the man and "had compassion on him."  The Samaritan tended to the man's wounds, cared for him at an inn, and provided for his further comfort.  The Samaritan was of a loathed class and foreign city.  He could have felt that the traveler got what he deserved or that if the tables were turned, that man probably wouldn't help him, a Samaritan.  He could have been too busy or in too much of a hurry to get where he was going.  He could have assumed someone else should or would help out.  Instead, we find a man who sought to serve others, saw a need, and acted.

The Moral

Now for our lesson.  Jesus asked, "Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbor unto him that fell among the thieves?  And [the lawyer] said, He that showed mercy on him."  So who is a neighbor?  He who makes himself a neighbor through  merciful compassion.  Mercy is the "kind or forgiving treatment of someone who could be treated harshly."  The dictionary says that compassion is a "sympathetic consciousness of others' distress (see) together with a desire (seek) to alleviate it (act)."  "Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise."  We must live outside ourselves enough and at a pace requisite to see and allow ourselves to feel for others.  Then we must act with mercy.  I find it interesting that one common use of the word "mercy" throughout the Bible is in mention of the Mercy Seat.  This was considered the throne of God; it was God's meeting place with man.  God meets and deals with man with mercy.  We ought to follow the Greatest of All.

The Now

What does it look like today?  How are we neighbors?  It may look like a young lady helping a homeless person, gentleness across political lines, or maybe it's a white police officer being kind to a black woman.  Most likely, it is small and simple acts.  If you were me in the last couple months of pregnancy, worries, delivery, and life, you would have seen many neighbors in action.

What does my neighbor look like?  My neighbor looks like the mom who watches your children, keeps them longer than planned, and always insists that it's nothing.  It is the friend's dad who drives the extra carpool.  It is the one who listens to the excitements and fears of your life with genuine interest, joy, or concern.  It is the neighbor who brings over a warm dinner on a night when the kids are tired.  It's the friend who shares her talents and knowledge in a perfect timing unforeseen by either.  It's the one who slips you gas money before a much anticipated road trip.  It is the neighbor's lawn care team who quickly and quietly mow your lawn while you're picking up the kids from school, twice.  It is the hugs and kisses that kids give best.  Its the one who fasts and prays for another.  It is the little one who offers the heartfelt prayer, "Help Mommy to be healthy when the baby comes."  It is the husband who holds your hand through contractions and seems to know exactly when to encourage, when to compliment, and when to crack a joke.  It is the friend or family member who texts with joy and delight, even when their personal struggle could lead them to think, "Why not me?"  It's the friend who says, "Call me if..." and you know she means it because she's already done it countless times.  It's the call or text or email, "Thinking of you."  It is the angel mother who comes to town and cooks and cleans and entertains, who gives up sleep, habits, hubby, and other worthy duties to bring patience, fun, and constant service, all the while making you feel like it is her joy.  It's the father who works tirelessly so mother can afford to do that.  It's the person who says, "I love you" and means it.

It has been said that we are losing our humanity.  That could be true.  But in my little world, there are more neighbors than not.

I hope all of my neighbors know how grateful I am for them.  I have been humbled and awed.

The Invitation

Thomas S. Monson said, "Each of us, in the journey through mortality, will travel his own Jericho Road.  What will be your experience?  What will be mine?  Will I fail to notice him who has fallen among thieves and requires my help?  Will you?

Will I be one who sees the injured and hears his plea, yet crosses to the other side?  Will you?

Or will I be one who sees, who hears, who pauses, and who helps?  Will you?

Jesus provided our watchword, 'Go, and do thou likewise.'  When we obey that declaration, there opens to our eternal view a vista of joy seldom equaled and never surpassed."

I offer my heartfelt thanks to all who have made themselves my neighbor, and I hope that each of us will feel the joy that comes when we choose to make of ourselves a true neighbor.

Love, Marielle

"Won't you be my neighbor?"


Shared at: Faith Filled Fridays and Thoughtful Thursdays

Helping Kids Remember the Reason for the Season

To You:

I absolutely love this time of year!  As the lights go up around town and the radio plays Christmas music nonstop, there are so many reasons to rejoice.  Yesterday I drove by our little village square and loved the fact that displayed side by side were a nativity scene and a Chanukah menorah.  I am grateful to live in a place where cultural diversity is embraced.  I know not everyone feels it, but it is such a worthy goal to love and be loved regardless of religion or lack of it.  That love is what this season is really all about.  Whatever its origins, Christmas for me today stands for Christ, the ultimate example of pure love.  Christ said, "Love one another; as I have loved you" (John 13:34).  As He spent His life in service and then gave His life as a sacrifice, Jesus Christ truly showed what it means to really love.  What a perfect time of year to focus on Him and and help our children have opportunities to feel the Lord's love and share it.

It can be easy to get caught up in shopping, get-togethers, Santa lists, and travel plans, so I have compiled a list of ideas to help our kids remember the true reason for the season.  Much thanks goes to my parents who started many of these traditions with us when we were kids.  Thank you for making the season magical in all the right ways...

Ideas for Helping Kids Remember the Reason for the Season

• Participate in a Community Donation or Secret Santa
• Options are plentiful this time of year!  Involve the kids as you choose a donation to support.  I never feel like I need to participate in all of them obviously, but let the kids think about what a child like them would want for Christmas, and then give it away.
• Make a Blanket



• This year we encouraged the kids to save some of their birthday money to buy fleece to make blankets.  The kids loved it!!!  They each chose fleece, cut it, and tied it.  Our four-year-old needed help, but my six and eight-year-old surprised me with their focus and interest. We donated to Project Linus who has chapters nationwide that provide blankets for kids in local hospitals.  You can also contact a hospital or homeless shelter directly about donations.



They all got pretty snuggly with their blankets!

• Christ-Centered Advent Calendar
• The advent calendar is a tradition dating back to the 19th century.  The countdown to Christmas is fun for children as well as adults.  You can use this free printable to make your own Christ-centered advent calendar.  Enjoying growing together as you read scriptures, discuss the reason for the season, and apply Christ's teachings.  It's no problem to start late, just choose your favorites for the remainder of the season.
• Narrated Nativity
• Instead of just putting up your nativity decoration, read the story of the nativity found in Luke Chapter 2 and Matthew Chapter 2.  As you read about the different events and people of the nativity story, take turns placing the corresponding decorative piece into the nativity scene.
• Sing
• Sing, sing, sing!  Christmas carols bring cheer.  Use Sunday to especially listen to soft versions of the carols and Christ-centered hymns, like this incredible song.  Sing one of these Christ-focused carols before bed each night.
• Nativity Play
• Read the story of the nativity from the Bible as you act it out.  This is a favorite family tradition that we have always done on Christmas Eve.
• Secret Service Ornaments
• Make several small ornaments or use red and green craft fuzzy balls.  When someone does a service for another person, they can put an ornament on the tree or a fuzzy ball in the jar.  See how many you can do before Christmas.
• Carol
• "The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!"  Yes, we love Elf, and we love caroling!  I don't think growing up we ever missed a year of piling into the minivan, driving around town, dropping off goodies, and singing to our friends of all faiths.  It may be a lost tradition, but in my experience, even out-of-tune voices are appreciated.  Avoid "To-Do List Overload" by starting early and keeping gifts simple.  Consider caroling at a nursing home or hospital–another childhood Christmas Eve tradition.  (It's a good idea to contact the location before going and see what their guidelines and schedules are.)  Kids can make cards or simple ornaments to give away, but their smiles are always enough!
• Read
• There are so many wonderful Christmas stories.  My mom kept a whole box of books that she brought out just at Christmas.  Find stories that focus on Christ, giving, or kindness.  Some of my kid favorites include The Christmas Train, Christmas Oranges, A Christmas Carol (any variation), The Gift of the Magi, and of course, How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
• Talk about Symbols
• The Christmas lights around town can remind us that Christ is the Light of the World (John 8:12).  Candy canes can remind us of the shepherds' crooks of those that visited the baby Jesus and that Jesus is the Good Shepherd (John 10:11).  This site has a cute free small printable booklet for kids about Christmas symbols.  This site has a simple list for reference.  When it comes to symbols there is no right or wrong of course.  (The candy cane upside down can also be a J for Jesus!)  Talking about these symbols can help us each learn and turn our minds more frequently to the things that matter most.
• Wise Men Give Gifts
• Read Matthew 2:1-12.  Discuss what it means to be wise and how these men displayed wisdom as they knew the signs of the coming of the Savior, travelled to see Him, and brought Him gifts.  Talk about what gold, frankincense, and myrrh are and how they were valuable treasures.  Discuss what kinds of gifts Christ would like today.  Each person write down one gift he or she can give to the Savior.  Put it in the package and place the wrapped package under the tree.  Open the gift on Christmas and see how well you've each done giving your gift to Christ.

• Play Nativity Set
• Have a nativity scene that the kids can play with.  My mom always had a soft set, and we have the Fisher-Price Little People Nativity Playset.  Pull this out at Christmastime, and be amazed by how much the kids love to imagine and play with it.
• Write a Letter
• Write letters or make cards for homebound friends, servicemen (can check with local Red Cross chapter about if they participate in "Holiday Mail for Heroes"), local hospitals, missionaries, or anyone you feel would appreciate the thought.  Keep it simple with crayons or mix it up with paints, glitter glue, stickers, or stamps.
• Family Gift Exchange
• Get the kids thinking about other people's presents.  :)  Large families can draw names and exchange gifts with one sibling or cousin to cut down on costs yet make sure everyone is included.  
• Remember What's Important
• This is for me!  We can plan and plan activities to help our kids remember the reason for the season, but if we ourselves are distracted by shopping, to-do lists, and the chaos of the times, if we haven't really internalized that meaning, the Spirit of Christmas will not pervade our homes as deeply.  If we ensure that our personal thoughts, prayers, scripture reading, and motives are focused on Christ, this will have a greater impact on our children than anything we can plan.  As I read tonight, I was struck by Christ calling out those "which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel" (Matthew 23:24).  As we try to help our kids remember, let's avoid hypocrisy and focus ourselves on those things that really do matter.  Are our children feeling Christ's love for them?  Are we showing forth Christ's love for others?  
• The best Christmas is a Simple Christmas.
• What matters most to you?  What makes your Christmas meaningful?

We just received a Christmas card from some of our dear friends.  He has been fighting cancer, and they have been a tremendous example to us of living with faith.  I was struck as I read a line on their card: "We count it a blessing to be together for Christmas and enjoy sweet moments with our children."  Surely those are not empty words. 

I hope that each of you will have reason to rejoice this holiday season as we help our children, and ourselves, remember the true reason for the season.

Love, Marielle


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