Spring Break at Home

To You:

I know many moms are anxious to get the kids back in school after a break.  In fact, one of our beloved Christmas carols has memorialized the phrase "And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again!"  However, I love having the kiddos home!  Perhaps it's the lazy side of me that doesn't want to get up and out the door every morning.  :)  Truly though, I do enjoy getting to plan and spend my days with these youngsters.  I think it's also important to note that a successful break does not have to include travel or expensive outings.  Part of the great joy of these breaks is the opportunity to help the kids enjoy the little things in life.  Here's a small glimpse of the fun that was our Spring Break.

To kick-off our Spring Break at Home, we sat down and made a list of the things we would each like to do.  The list looked something like this...

• Paint Easter Eggs
• Go to a museum
• Go to the big park downtown
• Doorbell ditch someone with cookies
• Go to the library
• Put together 72-Hour Kits
• Learn how to be nice to each other!!!!!!!
• Sew something
• Play outside
• Do crafts
• Spring cleaning (with list of Helper Jobs)
• Have a playdate with friends
• Go on a hike
• Have a movie night

Salvaged the list from the recycle bin...apparently someone thought we had already accomplished "Learn how to be nice to each other!!!!!!!"  :)

I had previously checked the local library for events as they are great about scheduling a variety of activities for times when kids are out of school.  We ended up going to a craft event and a Dinosaur Dig.  The dinosaur experience was awesome as we got to meet two paleontologists, see pictures from their dig site, and hold dinosaur bones!  I also checked the local museums and city parks for free-days or low-budget events.

Holding a fossilized dinosaur bone at the library.

After making our list, we got out the calendar and plugged the activities into the different days, taking into account the weather and anything that was previously scheduled.  We aimed for one planned thing each day and left plenty of time for "just playing" as well.  Some fun spontaneous happenings included building a fort and sleeping in it and having Dad make villains and hide them around the yard for Spider Man 1 and 2 to web with silly string!

Something else we love doing during a break is choosing a chapter book to read together and then making an event out of watching the movie adaptation together.  This time we chose Mr. Popper's Penguins.  Other good reads include The Secret Garden, The Indian in the Cupboard, Pippi Longstocking, Stuart Little, Matilda, and Charlotte's Web.  (As a sidenote, if you are wondering if a book or movie is appropriate for your kids, commonsensemedia.org is a great resource!  It does give age suggestions for books and movies, but I appreciate the specifics about language, sex, drugs, positive messages, etc. so we can decide for ourselves if we think it is a good pick.)

For one of our craft activities, I pulled out some old magazines and the kids made a collage.  We hadn't done this for a long time and the kids loved chopping and gluing!  You can choose a theme such as things that remind you of spring or Easter or just let them go.  We made ours around Easter and the kids picked pictures that help remind them to follow Jesus.  It was a simple, fun craft.

A definite highlight was our little hike.  We packed up a lunch and headed to a nearby trail.  What a treat to see a woodpecker and six deer before we'd been walking ten minutes!  Our oldest brought a little notebook to write or draw about what she found interesting.  We investigated different tracks, examined the new spring plants, and at the end of the hike, definitely enjoyed all the mud!  :)  There is so much beauty and intrigue in nature no matter where you live...guarantee the kids will love it more than the iPad!

While there wasn't anything too glamorous in our plans, we had a wonderful time being together and doing a variety of activities.  There were smiles, looks of amazement, laughs, feelings of accomplishment, and a little bit of whining too I'm sure.  :)  These are the times I know will go by way too fast.  I am so grateful to be able to soak them up!!!

I hope you and your little ones get to enjoy lots of time together.  What are some of your favorite ways to spend breaks from school?  What are some of your favorite memories from breaks?

Love, Marielle

The Five E's of Teaching Kids to Work

To You:

This post was in the works when I received an email from a dear cousin who had just returned from a service trip to Guatemala.  He commented in part, "Speaking for our country as a whole, I sometimes wish we could re-focus on the basic necessities of making sure mouths are fed and people clothed and that our kids are learning how to work and what they need to survive, rather than focusing on all the other hoopla."  I found it very interesting that he included in his very short list of basic necessities "that our kids are learning how to work."  It is arguably one of the most necessary and most beneficial traits we can nurture within our children: the ability to work hard.

There is very little that can prepare our children more effectively for real life.  The better they are at working, the more they will be able to delay gratification and aim for those things in life that are often most worthwhile, those things that take time and effort to achieve.  The ability to work hard is a skill.  We can learn it, and we can teach it.  It is easiest to start when the kids are young, but it is also never too late to start.  I am blessed to be surrounded by hard-workers, four of the greatest being my parents and in-laws, who exemplified a good work ethic and taught it to my husband and me.  I have thought about how I was taught, what I have seen in those who are good workers versus those who are not, and what I have learned from my own kids.  I have read and researched.  The result of all of this?  The Five E's of Teaching Kids to Work.

The Five E's of Teaching Kids to Work

Exemplify

My mom told me a short story one day.  She was outside when a neighbor pulled up to the house on her way down the street.  The neighbor complimented my mom on the yard and how beautiful and well-kept it looked.  Then she asked, "Who is your yard boy?"  My mom replied that it was my dad.  "No," the woman shook her head.  "The one who wears shorts and boots, who is that guy?"
"Yes, that's my husband!"

Whether he was wearing his shorts and boots or his paint-splattered, gray jumpsuit, Dad was always happy to work hard in the home or yard after putting in a full day or week at the office.  He also always said how lucky he felt that he enjoyed his job.

I don't think I ever realized growing up how much work my mom did because she never complained. She never played the "pity me" card because she was making breakfast for three shifts of people or because she was staying up late helping with homework and getting up early to get everyone out the door.  It always seemed like the laundry was done and a home-prepared meal was on the table.  She was cheerful about her days.

Then there are my in-laws.  My father-in-law would wake up early and go out to the farm to take care of the cattle before coming home and getting ready for his day at the dental office.  In his 70's, he built an addition onto their home.  My mother-in-law would spend full days in a hot kitchen canning fruit that we would all enjoy for at least the next year.  She scrubbed her floor on her hands and knees.  She spent hours preparing lessons to teach others.

All of these are perfect examples of Thomas Fuller's adage:  "A good example is the best sermon."

We all know the importance of setting a good example and it's no different when we are teaching our children to work.  Not only do our children need to see us do work, they also need to see, hear, and feel what we believe about work.  One small thing we do as a family is to call household tasks helper jobs instead of chores.  One definition of chore is "a difficult or disagreeable task."  Is living in a clean and tidy space really difficult or disagreeable?  Instead, by calling these tasks "helper jobs," I hope to teach my children that working together to maintain a nice life is a necessary and most often pleasant part of life.  We need to look at our own attitudes about work and our willingness to work hard.  We need to make conscious adjustments when necessary so that our children will be safe in doing as we do.

When thinking about the example we are setting, consider some of the following questions.
-Do my children often see me complete different kinds of work such as in the yard, at the home, with my mind, or in the service of others?
-How do I respond when extra or unforeseen work suddenly becomes necessary?
-Do I complain about how much work I need to do?
-Do I show by word and example that working is fulfilling and the means to great good?
-Do I often find joy in my work?
-Do I value work?

We often first notice our own attitudes about things when we see them reflected in our children.  What attitudes about work do you see reflecting in your own kids?

This is a great article about teaching work ethic and includes the importance of our own ideas about work.

Expect

Kids can do more than put their toys away.  Much more.  Expect that kids can do more.

I have seen many households where the expectations of the children's role in the home are very low.  Taking out the garbage is important, but not enough.  If Mom is feeling overworked, what real jobs can the children learn to be viable helpers?  Kids will feel more confident as they realize that their work is actually important in helping the household function.  Kids can do laundry, make lunches, clean floors, and of course put their toys away.  At first, tasks will be done side by side with a parent or older sibling, but before you know it, kids will be able to do jobs and do them well.  Just this week I went downstairs and my four-year-old was pulling laundry out of the washer and putting it in the dryer.  I didn't even know the wash was done yet.  He was beaming when he saw how pleased I was with the surprise, and I was beaming as the proud mother.  ;)  While every child is different, most kids can learn to complete all common household jobs by the time they are eight years old.

This is a simple list of age appropriate tasks for kids to do around the house.  Many families use chore charts like the examples here to make daily or weekly expectations clear.  Our family used a job wheel and turned it each week.  I like the example wheel posted here by Single Dad Brad.  Sometimes we also make a list and let the kids choose their own jobs.

Expect that children will actually complete their assigned tasks.  Although it really is easier and quicker many times, resist the urge to just do the task for them.  By way of simple example, a shower is not complete at our house until the towel is hung and the dirty clothes put away.  The times are countless that I have to remind and encourage some kids to do this.  It would usually be easier to just complete the quick task on my own.  However, by expecting the kids to do it on their own, two of the three no longer need reminding, and I am convinced that the third must be getting there!  :)  Some kids resist helping out, but the none optional expectation can be enforced by such things as no screen time until it's done or missing out on fun activities or playdates that will be happening after the work is complete.  Follow-through and be strong when kids push the boundary.  Most kids will eventually learn that it's easier to just get the job done quickly and move on with other parts of life.  A friend's favorite quote is true for kids learning to work as well as parents patiently teaching them to work:  "That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do–not that the nature of the thing is changed, but that our power to do is increased."

Expect that part of living in a home and family is caring for family needs.  My personal opinion is that kids do not need rewards or allowance on a regular basis for helping around the house.  The reward for household help is the natural consequence of living in a clean and harmonious home.

Expect that kids can help out just because.  Teach kids to see what needs to be done and do it.  Helping around the house does not need to be restricted to listed chores.

Educate

This is where patience comes in.  This is where our work as parents really lies.  Yes, the job takes longer.  Yes, the job is not always done as well as you could have done it.  Yes, sometimes it takes cajoling and creative motivation.  And YES, in the end it does pay off.

I have found that the best education is simply doing the work together.  Start as soon as your toddler can follow you around.  Talk about how the job should be done.  Tell and show what it means to finish the job.  Be patient as children learn.

Through conversation and life experience we can also help our children see the big picture.  What work is needed to get that carrot onto our table?  What kind of work does it take to become an astronaut or professional ballerina?  How much work do children in Africa have to do to survive?  How much work do Daddy and Mommy do?  You cleaning the toilet is only a very small piece of a very big picture.

We recently had the privilege of having a teenage niece and nephew come stay in our home.  It was a joy to have them here.  Among other impressive traits, these two know how to work.  They didn't just take their dishes over after a meal.  They cleared the table, washed the dishes, wiped the counter clean, and hung the dish towel to dry.  It was evident to me that they have been taught how to do a job and do it well.

Enough

Let it be enough...

The bedspread might be lopsided, the dish may still have some soap on it, and the floor will definitely remain sticky in a few places.  Let it be enough.  IF your child has put forth effort and ability equivalent to their age and circumstance, do nothing but praise that effort and show them your appreciation for their help in keeping the home running smoothly.  I find this to especially be the case when my four-year-old surprises me by doing the dishes all on his own!  (IE, there are bubbles and water everywhere!)  Show your kids you value their work by resisting the urge to complete the task or redo the chore for them.  

If you recognize that a job has not been done well, praise the effort and work together to fix it.  "Let's finish this together."  "You've done a great job so far.  Please finish it off by..."  "I really appreciate your effort.  Have I shown you how we like to do this?"

If your child knows better and is capable, refer back to expectations. :)

Don't teach your kids that they can do a lazy job because you will just redo it anyway.

Enjoy

Some of my earliest memories are working in the garden both in my own backyard and at my grandparents' house.  I can still feel the hard ground under my knees and the soil in my nails as I weed.  I can hear the voices of people I love.  I can smell the fruits of our labors, especially the tomatoes.  Every year the tomatoes.  Weeding and gardening may feel like work to some, but for me, they are nostalgic childhood memories and activities I enjoy to this day.  And that I believe is the difference...they are "activities I enjoy" to this day.  

While it is important to help our kids learn that they can do hard things and that they can and should do things they don't want to do but ought to do, it is equally important to help them enjoy work too.  Listed are several ideas for helping kids enjoy work.

• Do it together.
• Turn up the music.
• Turn this on as loud as your speakers can handle it.  Try not to clean with style.  Try it.  I dare you.     
https://youtu.be/50vA6O9otjw
• Work hard, play hard.
• Every morning during our annual trips to Grandpa and Grandma Mac's house we would work for a few hours.  What followed was pure enjoyment...swimming in the pool, feeding the neighbor's cows, going for walks, reading on the grass, feasting on big meals.  I am sure the work got done faster as we all knew what came after and looked forward to it eagerly.   
• The same was true on Saturdays.  When we didn't have sports, we would work in the morning.  Afterward, we would go out on the boat, play basketball, or do other fun activities together as a family or with friends.  We knew we were going to work hard, but we knew we were also going to play hard.
• When my big sister was babysitting, cleaning up the toys was never a chore.  After we cleaned, the Tickle Monster would feverishly pursue and giggles would ensue.  If it wasn't the Tickle Monster, it was the Finger Chair.  After a successful clean-up, we each got a turn to sit on her lap while she held out her ten fingers.  We got to push her fingers down one at at time.  Each finger produced a drop or a tickle or a silly song.  We looked forward with anticipation to what each finger might hold.  These games were simple and silly, but obviously they were effective if I remember them decades later!
• Make it a game.  
• Roll a die and choose jobs from highest number to lowest.
• Pretend to be Orphan Annie or maids in a mansion or any other scenario you can imagine.
• Occasionally let the dishes turn into a water fight or towel whipping contest.  Granted my parents were much better at this than I am.  :)
• Make it a surprise for Dad or Mom or whoever is not there at the moment.
• Race the clock...or Nona!
• One day my mom called to chat and when my youngest told her he was supposed to be cleaning up the basement, she suggested they have a race.  She would complete her errand and call him back.  I don't think the basement has ever been cleaned so fast.  
• Give choices.
• Let kids choose their own job out of a list or from what they think needs to be done.  Let them choose in what order they want to complete their tasks (jobs, homework, instrument practice, etc.)
• Talk or tell stories while you work.
• Do work that is a service for others such as neighbors or other family members.

In writing this post, I do not claim that my children are perfect workers...or us for that matter!   We all have room for growth.  However, I am so grateful for the work ethic that my parents instilled in me and for my husband who was raised the same way.  The ability to work hard, to see a task through to its completion, to put in long hours when necessary, and to enjoy work and the fruits of our labors has infinitely blessed our lives.

I have found the following to be true:  "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World).  Work is a vital part of that list.

Love, Marielle

Exercise During Pregnancy...The Best Tips and Links for Making It Happen

To You:
Exercise...
It has the potential to help us feel more comfortable during pregnancy, to have shorter and less painful deliveries, and to help our babies be healthier now and in the future.  I know that as I have exercised during my pregnancies, I have had more energy, more restful sleep, and fewer aches and pains.  It helps my body adjust well to the frequent changes, and I have felt more physically and mentally prepared for delivery.  The list of benefits of prenatal exercise is long and motivational.
However, we pregnant Mamas probably don't need to be convinced that it is good for us.  We know that.  Instead, the challenge is making it happen when we are sick or tired or busy.  Did that say "or" back there?  I meant "and" of course!

Here are a few helpful tips and links for making exercise happen during pregnancy.

• Keep it Short
• You don't have to work out for an hour to benefit yourself and your baby.  Even 10-20 minutes of exercise will yield helpful results.  Not only are short workouts more manageable for your schedule, but it's also easier to get motivated for a short workout when you are sick and/or tired.  Shorten your workouts to make sure they happen.
• Just Move
• Get your blood pumping anyway you can.  You might take the stairs, crawl on the floor with another child, take a turn being "It" at the park, or simply do a few leg lifts as you cry to your favorite chick flick.  The more you move, the more you will feel like moving.  Plus, those little lifestyle movements have benefits all of their own!
• Work Out at Home
• Exercising at home saves time and money.  Plan to exercise right before you normally shower so you don't have to get ready twice.  There are a TON of videos on YouTube if you are not up for making up your own workout.  Jessica Smith has long been one of my favorite online fitness instructors.  She has something for whatever difficulty, type, or time of exercise I am up for that particular day.  She is fun without being cheesy.  Here is a prenatal cardio workout from Jessica Smith.

• Strengthen
• Strength training is a wonderful way to keep your body working after you finish your exercise.  Increased muscle mass increases your metabolism and has many other positive benefits.  During pregnancy, strength training can help your baby and body better handle the stresses of pregnancy and delivery.  This is a great article about the ins and outs, benefits, and safety of strength training during pregnancy.  Good form is always vital.  Start with lower weight and increase as you feel comfortable.  Do not hold your breath.  Here is a good quick strength workout.

• Stretch
• Stretching can be the perfect workout when you are tired or sick.  It is therapeutic for  your muscles and mind.  Many of those achy problem areas especially later in pregnancy (like the lower back) can be worked out and relieved through a good stretching routine.  I find that fluid stretches (moving slowly through different stretches) as opposed to static stretches (holding in one position) tend to feel better and do more good for me.  Yoga is a well-recognized plus for pregnant women.  Here is the first in a really good series of pregnancy yoga videos.  The episodes are short and feel great!

• Make it Social
• If you are having a hard time getting motivated, invite a friend to join you.  You can go to the gym together, walk together, or workout to a video together.  Having someone to talk to increases the enjoyment in the moment, and having someone waiting for you is often the kick we need to get out the door.  During one first trimester of pregnancy, I was able to workout in the mornings before my hubby left for work only because I had a friend waiting for me there.
• Involve the Little Ones
• Alone time is precious and exercising may not be how you want to spend it each day.  If you have other kids home, involve them in your exercise routine.  They will enjoy doing what you do and will also benefit from the exercise.  It is a fun way to spend a part of your day together.  I try to do a lot of different fitness activities with my kids, including online workout videos.  Not surprisingly, my kids favorite videos have other kids in them.  :) This is one workout video they like, although I play my own music to go along with it.

• Watch Your Posture
• Good posture can prevent many of pregnancy's pains that make us want to lay in bed or gracefully splay on the couch in all our glory for hours on end.  Again, feeling better leads to more activity...what a cycle!  For me, simply thinking about lifting the chest up while relaxing the shoulders back pulls things into better alignment.  Pillows between the legs and around the mid-section help with sleeping posture as well.
• Warm-Up Slowly
• I find I can do a lot more than I thought after a good, slow warm-up.  The round ligaments (the ones hugging your belly down into the pelvis that hurt when you sneeze:) especially respond well to warming up.  If you are running, doing another high intensity workout, or exercising for a longer amount of time, consider a warm-up of walk, jog, light stretch through any achy areas, jog.  Your muscles should be good and ready to go!
• Be Safe
• Always talk with your doctor before starting an exercise routine.  Avoid exercises lying flat on your back after 20 weeks.  ALWAYS BREATHE!  (Intentional breathing is one of your best delivery tools too!)  Stay hydrated.  Follow common safety guidelines

Lastly, Listen to Your Body.  Pregnancy is the ideal time to connect with your body and the new baby growing inside. Pay attention to how different movements (or the lack thereof!) make you feel.  Take time to relax and see how things are going with yourself.  If you are really tired, make it a lighter stretching or yoga day.  If you have some of that energy back, (yeah for second trimester!) let yourself work it...a really good sweat can be super therapeutic!  Trust that nobody knows your body or pregnancy better than you do.

Do you have any prenatal exercise tips or questions to share?  I hope the benefits of exercise can fill your life before, during, and after pregnancy.  As you find that motivation to move, know that it is doing good for you and your unborn baby!  Good luck!

Love, Marielle

Absent For Good Cause...

To You:

Starting sometime in October, I would sit down to type (or read or pay bills or do just about anything) and almost immediately fall asleep.  I allowed sleep and taking care of myself to be the priority–even if that meant sleeping ridiculous amounts of hours during the night and day and pretty much putting the rest of life on hold!  You will not hear any complaining around here though because we are all nothing but elated to have Baby #4 on the way!!!

I am one of those rare women who does not get sick during pregnancies.  I am exhausted, and experience a few other changes of note yes, but not sick.  My mom was incredibly sick for all nine months when she was pregnant with me, so we like to think she used up all the sick gene in me.  Thank you Mom!

I truly respect the women like my mom who go through so much to bring a baby into the world.  There really is no better reason to feel crummy, but it still takes an amazing amount of selflessness to give your body and health for another.  If you have not thanked your own mother in a while, please do.

I have spent a lot of time contemplating the experience of those women who desire to bring children into this world, and yet for any of various reasons cannot.  My heart and prayers go out to you.  It can be frustrating, saddening, maddening, heart-breaking.  Of course I cannot sum up in a few words the experience, but please do know that you are loved.  Know that your desires, talents, and love will be used for good.  Know that Someone understands perfectly what you are going through, and He will see you through.  Hold on to good.

I stand in awe at the ability of the human body to grow another human and then provide for its needs.  I am grateful for the privilege to participate in that incredible process again.  It is humbling, refining, and exciting.  I already love this little one so much and am so grateful to be a mother.  Although every stage of motherhood brings challenges, there is nothing more fulfilling.

While I have been absent virtually for good cause, I am back!  I look forward to sharing some of the lessons I am learning (and relearning!) as we revisit these early stages of parenthood.  Do you have questions about pregnancy?  I am an open book.  :)  What is your best pregnancy advice for me, my hubby, or the kids?  I will be sharing more throughout other posts, but I will finish with my own "Best Pregnancy Advice" and that is, Enjoy It.  There will be a time when you will lay in bed, and although you may be more comfortable, you will not be able to put your hand on your tummy and feel that kicking.  There will be a time when eating healthy, moving, drinking your fluids, and even sleeping will not hold the same significance as right now, when taking care of your own body means directly taking care of another.  There will be a time when watching your belly grow may not be quite so exciting.  :)  There will be a time when this pregnancy is over, so enjoy it now.

Here's to babies!

Love, Marielle

Helping Kids Remember the Reason for the Season

To You:

I absolutely love this time of year!  As the lights go up around town and the radio plays Christmas music nonstop, there are so many reasons to rejoice.  Yesterday I drove by our little village square and loved the fact that displayed side by side were a nativity scene and a Chanukah menorah.  I am grateful to live in a place where cultural diversity is embraced.  I know not everyone feels it, but it is such a worthy goal to love and be loved regardless of religion or lack of it.  That love is what this season is really all about.  Whatever its origins, Christmas for me today stands for Christ, the ultimate example of pure love.  Christ said, "Love one another; as I have loved you" (John 13:34).  As He spent His life in service and then gave His life as a sacrifice, Jesus Christ truly showed what it means to really love.  What a perfect time of year to focus on Him and and help our children have opportunities to feel the Lord's love and share it.

It can be easy to get caught up in shopping, get-togethers, Santa lists, and travel plans, so I have compiled a list of ideas to help our kids remember the true reason for the season.  Much thanks goes to my parents who started many of these traditions with us when we were kids.  Thank you for making the season magical in all the right ways...

Ideas for Helping Kids Remember the Reason for the Season

• Participate in a Community Donation or Secret Santa
• Options are plentiful this time of year!  Involve the kids as you choose a donation to support.  I never feel like I need to participate in all of them obviously, but let the kids think about what a child like them would want for Christmas, and then give it away.
• Make a Blanket



• This year we encouraged the kids to save some of their birthday money to buy fleece to make blankets.  The kids loved it!!!  They each chose fleece, cut it, and tied it.  Our four-year-old needed help, but my six and eight-year-old surprised me with their focus and interest. We donated to Project Linus who has chapters nationwide that provide blankets for kids in local hospitals.  You can also contact a hospital or homeless shelter directly about donations.



They all got pretty snuggly with their blankets!

• Christ-Centered Advent Calendar
• The advent calendar is a tradition dating back to the 19th century.  The countdown to Christmas is fun for children as well as adults.  You can use this free printable to make your own Christ-centered advent calendar.  Enjoying growing together as you read scriptures, discuss the reason for the season, and apply Christ's teachings.  It's no problem to start late, just choose your favorites for the remainder of the season.
• Narrated Nativity
• Instead of just putting up your nativity decoration, read the story of the nativity found in Luke Chapter 2 and Matthew Chapter 2.  As you read about the different events and people of the nativity story, take turns placing the corresponding decorative piece into the nativity scene.
• Sing
• Sing, sing, sing!  Christmas carols bring cheer.  Use Sunday to especially listen to soft versions of the carols and Christ-centered hymns, like this incredible song.  Sing one of these Christ-focused carols before bed each night.
• Nativity Play
• Read the story of the nativity from the Bible as you act it out.  This is a favorite family tradition that we have always done on Christmas Eve.
• Secret Service Ornaments
• Make several small ornaments or use red and green craft fuzzy balls.  When someone does a service for another person, they can put an ornament on the tree or a fuzzy ball in the jar.  See how many you can do before Christmas.
• Carol
• "The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!"  Yes, we love Elf, and we love caroling!  I don't think growing up we ever missed a year of piling into the minivan, driving around town, dropping off goodies, and singing to our friends of all faiths.  It may be a lost tradition, but in my experience, even out-of-tune voices are appreciated.  Avoid "To-Do List Overload" by starting early and keeping gifts simple.  Consider caroling at a nursing home or hospital–another childhood Christmas Eve tradition.  (It's a good idea to contact the location before going and see what their guidelines and schedules are.)  Kids can make cards or simple ornaments to give away, but their smiles are always enough!
• Read
• There are so many wonderful Christmas stories.  My mom kept a whole box of books that she brought out just at Christmas.  Find stories that focus on Christ, giving, or kindness.  Some of my kid favorites include The Christmas Train, Christmas Oranges, A Christmas Carol (any variation), The Gift of the Magi, and of course, How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
• Talk about Symbols
• The Christmas lights around town can remind us that Christ is the Light of the World (John 8:12).  Candy canes can remind us of the shepherds' crooks of those that visited the baby Jesus and that Jesus is the Good Shepherd (John 10:11).  This site has a cute free small printable booklet for kids about Christmas symbols.  This site has a simple list for reference.  When it comes to symbols there is no right or wrong of course.  (The candy cane upside down can also be a J for Jesus!)  Talking about these symbols can help us each learn and turn our minds more frequently to the things that matter most.
• Wise Men Give Gifts
• Read Matthew 2:1-12.  Discuss what it means to be wise and how these men displayed wisdom as they knew the signs of the coming of the Savior, travelled to see Him, and brought Him gifts.  Talk about what gold, frankincense, and myrrh are and how they were valuable treasures.  Discuss what kinds of gifts Christ would like today.  Each person write down one gift he or she can give to the Savior.  Put it in the package and place the wrapped package under the tree.  Open the gift on Christmas and see how well you've each done giving your gift to Christ.

• Play Nativity Set
• Have a nativity scene that the kids can play with.  My mom always had a soft set, and we have the Fisher-Price Little People Nativity Playset.  Pull this out at Christmastime, and be amazed by how much the kids love to imagine and play with it.
• Write a Letter
• Write letters or make cards for homebound friends, servicemen (can check with local Red Cross chapter about if they participate in "Holiday Mail for Heroes"), local hospitals, missionaries, or anyone you feel would appreciate the thought.  Keep it simple with crayons or mix it up with paints, glitter glue, stickers, or stamps.
• Family Gift Exchange
• Get the kids thinking about other people's presents.  :)  Large families can draw names and exchange gifts with one sibling or cousin to cut down on costs yet make sure everyone is included.  
• Remember What's Important
• This is for me!  We can plan and plan activities to help our kids remember the reason for the season, but if we ourselves are distracted by shopping, to-do lists, and the chaos of the times, if we haven't really internalized that meaning, the Spirit of Christmas will not pervade our homes as deeply.  If we ensure that our personal thoughts, prayers, scripture reading, and motives are focused on Christ, this will have a greater impact on our children than anything we can plan.  As I read tonight, I was struck by Christ calling out those "which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel" (Matthew 23:24).  As we try to help our kids remember, let's avoid hypocrisy and focus ourselves on those things that really do matter.  Are our children feeling Christ's love for them?  Are we showing forth Christ's love for others?  
• The best Christmas is a Simple Christmas.
• What matters most to you?  What makes your Christmas meaningful?

We just received a Christmas card from some of our dear friends.  He has been fighting cancer, and they have been a tremendous example to us of living with faith.  I was struck as I read a line on their card: "We count it a blessing to be together for Christmas and enjoy sweet moments with our children."  Surely those are not empty words. 

I hope that each of you will have reason to rejoice this holiday season as we help our children, and ourselves, remember the true reason for the season.

Love, Marielle


This post may be shared at some or all of the Link Parties I love.  Thank you for hosting!

What Island Life Taught Me About Keeping a Tidy House: Secrets to a Tidy (Enough) House Part I

To You:

Housekeeping is a necessary part of life.  Sometimes, especially with kids, it seems like an endless array of laundry, dishes, spills, and clutter.  Counteract that with the fact that it is enjoyable to live in a space that feels organized.  It is rewarding to see the floor after a full day of toys, and it is reassuring to know that toilet is clean when you sit on it.  I believe we function and feel better when we are in an appropriately tidy space.  (For an interesting discussion on some of the possible science behind this, check out this blog with its related article.)  The constancy of necessary cleaning and the benefits of being clean may lead to a lot of time spent cleaning!

However, I am here to tell us all that housekeeping doesn't need to take over our lives.  In my home, housekeeping is important, but not a priority...meaning it is not where I want to spend the majority of my time.  I am the first to admit that there are many homes much cleaner than ours.  When you come to my house,  you may find a messy corner or a dirty floor now and then, but you will also find a woman content in her station and spending time doing what she loves (things like being with my family, exercising, reading, and continuing to learn).  As with a majority of activities in life, housekeeping becomes a balancing act.   I love a clean and tidy home and there are some tips and ideas that I have learned to help me balance a clean home with a full life.  In other words, how can we keep a clean house in minimal time?  I've broken these tips into several posts, and here is the first.

I would briefly add here that I am grateful to be able to afford a home and "stuff" and to have kids and all that comes along with them.  There are so many who would love the "problem" of how to keep a home clean.  Thus, I guess the beginning of balance (or peace about tidiness) comes from "gratitude in all things."  :)  Now on with the story...

Secret #1 to a Tidy (Enough) House and How I Really Learned It

We had the opportunity to live on a Caribbean Island for a year and a half.  Yes, it was beautiful!  Magnificent snorkeling and kind, friendly people.  I would definitely recommend a vacation.  Our life there was life though, not just a vacation.  We were on a student budget with three kids rather than a tourist budget.  When we moved to the island, we took the equivalent of five suitcases and a few carry-ons.  What would you pack in your five suitcases for a year and a half in an unknown place, realizing you were going to spend as little money as possible once you got there?  No really, what would you pack?  Here is Secret #1:

SIMPLIFY by thinking VARIETY and limiting QUANTITY.   

I realized pretty quickly that the kids didn't need quite as many clothes as they had in their closets.  (Neither did I!)  I didn't need as many pots as I had, and they definitely didn't need as many toys.  I looked through my pictures to find one of our toy basket on the island...

Yep...That's It!  The white one back there.

This was the full extent of our toy storage for a year and a half and three children.  The kids each had a few special things in their bedroom, like a stuffed animal or book.  We also had one cupboard with puzzles, games, and craft supplies.  The cupboard right behind the white toy basket held books.  Guess how quickly we could pick-up the entire house?  :) 

Having lived this way, I realized we REALLY don't need as much "stuff" in life as we either think we do or accidentally accumulate.  Kids CAN play with the same toys over and over again.  How often has a birthday gift been enjoyed and then forgotten because a new toy came along?  When that new one doesn't come along, kids often get more creative with the old toys in finding new ways to use them.  Kids can imagine and create without any toys at all.  Kids can spend more time outside–yes, having lived in both Buffalo and Chicago–even in the winter there are some outdoor opportunities!  Kids can spend more time in books and conversation.  I can wear the same dress every three weeks.  I'm not suggesting that we all give away everything and go live in a van down by the river (although some days that's tempting), but if the stuff in our lives is making life harder rather than better, it's time to cut back.  Simplify.  The old adage, "Less is more," definitely applies here.  Not only is less stuff insanely easier to keep tidy, it also, in my experience, is better for the kids and us.

For our family, the island was a unique and wonderful period of life.  We enjoyed nature, people, creativity, and especially each other to a new extent.  A wonderful side-product of that life was a home that was easy and quick to keep tidy.

You Can Do It Too...Here's How

Here are some questions and tips to help you both limit and make the most of the "stuff" in your own home.

A)  Think VARIETY

Think variety in your home.  When tidying (aka decluttering), eliminate your least favorites when multiple things serve the same purpose.  For example...

Do you have toy(s) or activities that encourage: 

-Pretend grown-up play like dress-up, kitchen sets, doctor bag, or dolls?  (Think other occupations: a box, a bag, and some paper can make for a great post-office.)

-Imaginative interaction like small dinosaurs, cars, or figurines?

-Creativity like a variety of craft supplies or a building set?

-Large muscle movement like bikes, jump ropes, or sports equipment?

-Small muscle movement like blocks or legos?

-Problem solving like games or puzzles?

-Team work like games or sports equipment?

-Musical interest like CDs or instruments?

-Reading readiness or knowledge acquisition like magnetic letters, foam bath letters, and books of all kinds?

*Choosing one or two quality toys or activities from each of these areas of growth is healthy and sufficient for kids.  

One way to add variety to play without having so much stuff available to make a mess is to use some kind of toy rotation.  I do this with my baby toys.  I have a small basket of baby toys out and available and a small box in the closet.  Periodically I rotate the toys, giving a sense of newness and variety without actually adding to the amount in the basket.  You could try this with craft supplies or by having some special toys that only come out periodically say at holidays.  However, beware of keeping too much stuff in storage that doesn't get used or enjoyed!

The same idea applies to our own closets and family spaces.  

Do you have a variety of clothes you really like, rather than just a lot of clothes?  Do you really need four ladles or would two in different sizes suffice?  Got three flathead screwdrivers?  Maybe one flathead and one Phillips would get the job done.

B)  Limit QUANTITY

There is a Frugal Force inside me.  Usually she's my Friend, but I am learning that sometimes in my quest to limit quantity, she can be my Foe.  This frugality encourages getting cheap things because they are cheap and keeping things because I might need them someday, even if they don't bring me joy.  How can I overcome this Frugal Foe when necessary and keep life simple?

Realize it is harder to get rid of stuff once I already have it, so try to limit the accumulation.

1.)  I love your junk, but...

             Just because something is a good deal, or even free, it does not mean you need it!  Beware of Craigslist and friendly looking garage sales that easily heap upon us cheep things we don't really need!  :)  I was thinking about this post when I drove by the above sign.  It was so perfect I turned around, pulled over, and took a picture.  Let us learn how to say, "I love your junk, but no thank you!"  I have worn hand-me-down clothes my entire life and am thankful for those who have shared with me.  However, getting things free can also mean getting too many things!  I am now comfortable only keeping those things I really like or that fill a need.  I had a friend who would giggle at my "minimalist" ways.  She would offer me a stack of books her kids had grown out of and I would look through for 1-3 that I really liked.  She always knew that we really appreciated and enjoyed the things we accepted from them.  To this day, I recognize which books and toys came from this family and am grateful for them!

2.)  Make getting new things a special occasion rather than the norm.  

            This hit home again on the island when new things came very scarcely.  Kids appreciate toys more when they've had to wait for them (i.e. for a birthday or after saving some of their own money).  The same goes for clothes or kitchen items we may want for ourselves.  If you just can't pass up that great deal, go ahead and get it now but consider putting it up in your closet until the occasion comes along to pull it out.

3.)  Try "one in, one out."  

            This is especially helpful for clothes.  If you go shopping and buy new clothes, pull out a few old ones that the new ones can replace.  If you get a new toy, find one to pass on.  If you get a new vase you love, pull out your least favorite.

Once in a while, go through and find some things to pass on to others.

Returning to the States also meant returning to our storage stuff!

1.)  Involve the kids.

           There are always other people who would appreciate a toy rotation or addition to their collection.  There are school garage sales, Salvation Army, and other worthy donation centers.  Tell the kids about the need and let them choose some things to give away.  It is a good way to help kids not be too attached to "things" rather than people and also to allow them to help others.  

2.)  A Picture is Worth a Thousand...

           ...Shelves.  If you have something that is sentimental but never used or admired, take a picture of it.  Think about all those trophies on the shelf or the kids' old art work.  Taking a picture allows the memory to live on without taking up space or cluttering closets.  Pictures can be printed and slipped into picture protectors in binders, or in today's world, digital books are easy to make and enjoy.

3.)  Find a "Half-way House" for things.

          I am very frugal and tend to keep things because "I might need this someday, and I don't want to have to spend money again to get it!"  You never know, a fourth hammer might come in handy if someone wants to help with my DIY project!  That ginormous stack of old magazines might be perfect for a future art project!  So, I use a Half-way House.  Go through and pull out things you may be okay giving away.  Without the definite "this is gone" feeling, more items end up in this stack.  Put them in a box in an out of the way place like the garage, closet, or under the bed.  Add to the box as needed.  Periodically go through the box.  Anything you haven't missed or wanted is now much easier to give away.  (Turns out a third of those magazines was sufficient after all!)  I especially use this with my own clothes.  

Good luck with your clean-outs and clean-ups!  Let me know how it goes!  Do you have any other tips regarding thinking Variety and limiting Quantity?  How do you Simplify in your life?  As we simplify in our homes and closets, tidiness will be a natural reward.  I hope as you are able to spend less time cleaning up, you will be able to spend more quality time doing what you love with those you love.

Love, Marielle

Stay tuned for future Secrets to a Tidy (Enough) House!

Shared at some or all of these link parties.

Mountain Moving Principles to Help People Change

To You:

I remember it clearly.  The summer sun shown down on me, drying my wet hair from our recent excursion to the neighborhood pool.  I peddled my bike down the middle of our quiet street, but my mind wasn't on the pool or the bike:  it was on my upcoming seventh grade.  I always loved school.  I loved learning and felt confident in my abilities there.  I had friends.  Those weren't the problem.  As I envisioned my problem, the quintessential image is me during a break in 6th grade Social Studies class, and instead of going out with the other kids, I sit at my desk reading a book.  Maybe it was only my perception, maybe I wasn't really shy, but that day I realized that I wanted to be more outgoing; I wanted to be more comfortable in conversation.  So, I went about trying to change.

Fast forward a couple decades, and I have an incredible daughter.  I love this girl.  She is one of my dearest friends.  Much of my central purpose is helping her learn everything I am possibly able to teach her.  Some of those lessons are deep:  You are a beautiful Daughter of God with infinite worth.  Some of those lessons are shallow:  Clothes go in your drawer.  Whatever it is, whatever our age, we are all trying to learn, and real learning is changing.

Change can be hard, really hard.  It may feel like we are being asked to move a mountain.  However, the overarching truth is that we are all capable of change.  Yep, I have zero tolerance for, "That's just the way I am."  I believe we are living this life in order to change.  We are here precisely so that we can utilize our God-given ability to act and to become something better than we were yesterday.  If there is a desire to change, be it in our own lives or to help our children change, there are some principles that will help us eventually move that mountain.   Let's look at those principles with real-life applications.  The purpose of this free printable worksheet and blog post is to help you answer a question:  How can I apply these principles to effect meaningful change in my own life?

Aim to Replace, Not Just Remove

If I really asked you to move a mountain and you started at the bottom, pulling out boulders, that mountain would eventually lose balance and topple, crushing everything below it.  When we are trying to change habits, we cannot leave a void or our efforts will topple.  We need to replace the undesired habit with a good one.  Another common analogy is that we cannot remove darkness; we can only replace it with light.

Application

• Me:  Instead of "Don't be shy," I strove for new habits like, "Look for someone to meet." "Practice asking people about their lives."  "Be willing to sound foolish sometimes."  (I've gotten really good at that willingness!)
• Daughter:  Instead of "Don't be messy," think "Put clothes in drawer when I take them off."  "Keep floor clean."

Select Small Rocks

If in the end we want to move a mountain, we have to start with little rocks.  Over time our muscles will be conditioned and we will be able to lift heavier and heavier boulders, but to begin we need to make it manageable.  Start with goals to change that are small.  Progress upon those goals.

Application

• Me:  Mountain = Be outgoing.  Small Rocks = Before a social situation, brainstorm questions you can ask people.  Do homework at home instead of during breaks.  Talk to one new person each week. 
• Daughter:  Mountain = Be Neat and Tidy.  Small Rocks =  Clean my bedroom floor when I go to bed with a reminder from Mom.  Clean my floor when I go to bed without a reminder.  Keep my floor clean all the time.

Evaluate, Congratulate, and Reassess

Once in a while, step back and see how things are going.  Are you still working on the same mountain?  Are you making progress?  If you are a visual person, you may want to use a checklist, calendar, or a chart (like the free printable found here) to help track progress.  Congratulate success.  Reassess if things need to change.  Sometimes we realize we really don't want to make the change.  That's okay.  Just be honest with yourself.  Don't say you are going to eat healthy if you really don't want to and you really are not going to do it.  That only leads to a cycle of disappointment and feelings of inadequacy. Maybe you can make the end goal smaller or put it on hold.  Remember: today's goal is progress, not perfection.

Application

• Me:  This process was entirely mental for me.  I didn't have a chart, but assessed myself by how I felt about myself.  When I realized at the end of 7th grade that I had made a completely new group of friends in addition to my previous ones, I felt that my efforts were working.
• Daughter:  We have "reminder chats" (aka lectures:) when needed.  After she did a good job cleaning up with reminders, we moved to no reminders.  I remember to give her sincere words of praise for her clean room.  Many kids appreciate stickers or smiley faces on their checklist.

Choose Meaningful Incentives

Sometimes seeing the mountain move is all the incentive we need.  This may be the case if the motivation to change is deep or if the natural negative results are quickly and clearly evident.  However, other times the mountain's movement is so small or the way so difficult that an imposed motivation is helpful.  This may happen if we are trying to change because we know we should rather than because we really want to.  Maybe we know our children need to change even if they don't want to at all.  (That pretty much sums up parenting of some children. :)  In this case, we need to understand what kind of "imposed" incentives are most helpful.

Consequences are results of our actions.  They are both good and bad.  Imposed incentives or consequences that are directly connected to the habit we are trying to change, teach us and our children the true nature of life's consequences.  That true nature is that all actions have consequences: we get to choose our actions, but cannot change the consequences, we can only deal with them.  Choose consequences that are connected to the habit or area of desired change.

Additionally, follow-through is paramount to any successful incentive.  Do not say a consequence either good or bad if you are not prepared to follow-through.  Lack of follow-through in imposed consequences teaches us and our children the opposite lesson of natural consequences (that we can pick and choose the consequences we'll face from our actions), and eventually we will all have to deal with the fall out from that misconception.

For example, if 3-year-old Timmy is refusing to leave the playground, do not threaten him with, "Well, we will just leave without you then!"  Um, really?  You both know you will never leave your young, innocent, beautiful child in a big, public place alone to be ravaged by the scary strangers we hear about in the late night news.  Why say it then?  Choose consequences for which you are both willing and able to follow-through.

In the playground case, the incentive our family has chosen is, "However long it takes you to obey is how long you will miss out on playing the next time we come."  Then look at the watch and follow through.  It only takes one or two times of the child sitting out while everyone else plays for him to remember to leave when asked.  Another option we have used is to ask the kids to leave about five minutes before we really need to go.  If there is no arguing or asking for more, then we praise them and extend the time.

Application

• Me: All I needed was to feel better about it!  No ulterior incentive needed.
• Daughter: "All the clothes you put away, you get to keep!"  This child loves clothes!  After bedtime, I collect everything left on the floor and keep it for two weeks.  I am always sure to check-in the next morning.  Depending on the mood:  "I am so excited that I got a new pair of jeans last night!" with a teasing tickle.  OR "What a bummer you won't get to wear that new pair of jeans for a couple weeks," with an understanding hug. OR "Your bedroom was perfectly clean last night.  Great job!"

Keep Eyes on the Peak

I'd like to draw another mountain parallel.  I had the opportunity to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro several years ago.  It was a thrilling and beautiful experience for my sister and me.  Mt. Kilimanjaro is the highest free-standing mountain in the world with an elevation of over 19,000 feet at it's highest, Uhuru Peak.  The climb was 6 days long through an incredible array of climates.  One day we were in the rainforest, the next the desert.  Glaciers cap the mountain.

Each day we strategically increased our elevation and then descended part way to allow our bodies to acclimate to the altitude.  I remember descending one night into camp and seeing the peak that had been hidden from view all day.  Even with this judicious planning, I had a pretty intense headache and nausea one day.  Finally on the way to dinner, I lost it.  I have never been more grateful to vomit: it was sudden relief.  However, one member of our group got extreme altitude sickness and didn't feel better until our final descent.  If we had attempted to hike straight up the mountain, each of us could have been afflicted with headaches, dizziness, confusion, no energy, difficulty breathing, and in severe cases, death.  The gradual increase and decrease of elevation on a steady path forward is what allowed us to summit that great mountain.

Perhaps this life-saving ascending-descending pattern parallels the way we can look at our ability to change.  Uhuru Peak is our goal of how we want to change or what we want to become.  We make a plan shooting for the peak and work hard to get there.  At times, we may feel that we are descending though.  Maybe after working so hard for it, we don't get that new job.  Maybe we forget and yell at the kids again.  Maybe the way forward seems harder than ever.  At these times, we would do well to be kind with ourselves.  We are still on the way; we can still see that beautiful peak looming in the distance.  This may just be the path to get there.  Do not expect yourself to be able to ascend 19,000 feet overnight.  Do not get discouraged and turn around if partial descent occurs.  Keep eyes on the peak and keep progressing.

A Summit-Reaching Truth

We cannot move mountains, or climb them, on our own.  We had an amazing team of local guides and porters on our way up Kilimanjaro.  In fact, the fourth day hiking we came across a dropped and splattered watermelon on the path...someone, in order to feed us, had been carrying a watermelon for four days!  Our friend who suffered pretty severe altitude sickness believes she would not have made it without the guide who diligently stayed with her and assisted her along the way.

In my own efforts to make mountainous changes throughout life, my parents, siblings, closest friends, and husband have been powerful influences for good.  I hope I am the same for my daughter and other kids.

As we we strive to grow and change, we ought to surround ourselves with people who will help us.  These people are uplifting and understanding.  We can turn to them for accountability, encouragement, or an example to follow.

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) has helped millions overcome addiction.  One of the most basic tenets of AA is that one must come "to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."  It is also my experience that if we include God, our Greater Power, in our efforts to change, our ability to change will increase and that change will be more lasting.

I hope these principles encourage and aid you in the ways you desire to change.  I stand as one willing to be your porter...I will help you carry that watermelon!  Or listen to your challenges, or encourage you, or celebrate your successes.  Thank you to those who are mine!

Love, Marielle

PS-  I am really proud of the positive changes my daughter is making!  Her floor has been clean every night for over three weeks!  When I told her what I was blogging about today and showed her the messy picture I took when she was at school just over a month ago, she laughed and said, "You've got to post that!"  She's proud of her own progress too.  Now we just have to get little brother in on the "no reminder" plan!